So I woke up today
Actually by this point I have woken up several times already. Once at 5am, once at 6am to use the toilet and once again at 8am.
5am – “No, I think not. I’ve only been asleep for three hours”
6am- “Why the Hell didn’t I need to pee an hour ago”
8am- “This is your day off Paul, go back to sleep”
Its fair to say I’m having trouble sleeping recently. The final stage of waking up today came around 11am in the form of a phone call from Suzie81 Speaks as we had planned some blogging lessons for myself. I’m am new to this and it is entirely her fault I have jumped on to it so she can impart the skills I need free of charge. Especially as I have only in the last two days understood what she has been relentlessly talking about for the last couple of years. Ok Sue, I admit I was not quite right in ignoring you. But you still owe me 20% of pub conversations back.
My trouble today has started with shower gel once again. I recall it was about two weeks ago when I decided that I no longer had time for mint scented shower gel. For some reason the concept of ‘invigorating’ myself first thing in the morning kind of got to me a little bit and I stood up in the bath and I declared “NO”. No longer will I allow a shower gel to tell me that ‘I’m not quite awake enough yet so here is a body slap of cool mint to get you on your way’. I just haven’t the time for this any longer. It’s as though my efforts to wake up in the first place, to run a fairly deep bath, to make myself a coffee and a bacon sandwich aren’t proof enough that I am actually a fully functioning human being capable of doing whatever it is I need to do today. You wouldn’t see Superman fly backwards around the world, really fast, to turn back time and say “well yeah that’s good but are you really 100% committed to this”?
So today I opened a much more relaxing sounding shower gel. ‘Raspberry and cocoa’. You have to admit that that sounds just lovely. And it actually was, until that is I’d started a lather. Because then I had started to think about how it was so much better than a minty body slap. I had then started looking at the positives of this new sensational scent I was experiencing. It smelt like cakes and cakes are one of my favourite things. Specifically it smelt of Bakewell Tarts, a delicious little thing that can be enjoyed at any time of day if guilt is not a factor. After a short while all I could smell was this beautiful aroma of my best coffee shop trip ever. It brought back memories of visiting my parents house and raiding the biscuit cupboard, because they always keep more biscuits and cakes in stock than I do at my own house. And they are always better biscuits and cakes because I didn’t pay for them. Although my mother has remarked a few times that I should be paying shop prices for the amount I eat on an average visit.
But then it happened-
It was only as I was half way through my delicious breakfast that I realised what I had done. Without really thinking of any dietary needs or if what I was eating was a good choice or not, without a care in the world to my fantastically well maintained figure I had already half eaten everything and washed it down with coffee.
But what was wrong with that? You’ve had a nice relaxing memory filled bath and a lovely breakfast to boot. Surly this is only a good thing? But half way through eating I’d realised that my choice of breakfast was as a direct result of my cake shop inspired shower gel. That’s when I realised that I could not go on using this stuff as the long term health results would be disastrous.
My breakfast was a rather large bacon sandwich and a big bar of Turkish Delight. All washed down with two cups of coffee and a couple of cigarettes. Am I blaming the fact that I had spent approximately 15minutes bathing in a cake shop and that I currently smell as though I was made by the muffin man who lives on Drury lane. YES! Because I’m not going to blame my poor lifestyle choices or the fact that I am very susceptible to subliminal mind control. I am fully going to blame my f-ing shower gel.
When will I find one that’s right for me? Did we reach the pinnacle of male washing when old spice released soap? Who knows. But for now I’m going to take my pastry ass up to my good friend Sue for some blogging hints and tips.