Moving up the teen ladder
So I’d finished my primary school years. During which time I had sat my 11+, which thankfully I had missed by 2% of the entrance grade to King Edwards. I had also taken a separate entrance exam for a school which looking back reminds me of Hogwarts. This exam I had passed, I’d got in to possibly the poshest school anywhere in my city.
It was a school where the other kids carried brief cases instead of backpacks. A school in which Latin was taught as voraciously as ravenous kids on school dinners. I knew this is where I should be. It wasn’t where I ended up. During the time of choosing which school I would end up at I had meet my best friend for the next X amount of years. (time frame is from 11yrs old until the time he’d gotten married.) My parents actually allowed me to choose which school I wanted to attend. And my choices were from two.
- A good school with at least one person I knew
- ‘Hogwarts’ a place where I’d carry a brief case and greet people in Latin
I’d chosen the not ‘Hogwarts’ option. It was actually a really damn good school and I’d done very well by the end of it. But alas I don’t know Latin.
At the age of 14 I had developed and unhealthy weekend obsession with ice skating. Every weekend I would spend skating my ass off around my local ice rink. Sometimes with friends, sometimes without. I loved it that much and it was great exercise. This was also to be my first encounter with ‘girls’.
We’d met on a Saturday afternoon, I was shy, a little spotty, awkward and more than a little nervous around females. I was 14, she was 16… (one of the few times I’ve ever been with an older woman.) She was a college girl and I was funny. How could it not work out. Young and full off dreams. And more than a little out of my depth. We met every weekend from then on, it had taken about two weeks before I’d ended up in that one dreamt of place nervous teenage boys think of as an impenetrable fortress containing the most precious treasure, A GIRLS ROOM.
We did a lot, the kind of stuff stolen glances at Playboy and Hustler don’t prepare you for. We did this for about six weeks. I was a king! Sex education was so very little when I was growing up. I’d been educating myself on the job, as it were. As long as I never heard a tap at the window from a stalk carrying a bundle in its beak, then everything was OK.
And then that weekend came around. We were about ‘to do it’. For real, we were going to go ‘all the way’ and not look back. I of course was a virgin. There’s a lot of pressure and I was nervous as Hell. Without going into the embarrassment of the 5mins of gory details I shall skip ahead to the end.
We’d had sex. I had so many thoughts running around my head that I had no idea what I was thinking. Then she started crying… ‘What did I do wrong’ was now the only thing I was thinking.
It transpired that she was not a virgin and she then went on to possibly change my life forever. She had been raped by a family member a couple of years earlier and this was the first time she had sex since. I was 14 years old. I did not know or want to know what to do with this information. I remember I hugged her really hard as she sobbed on to my nervous chest. I was shaking and didn’t really understand why. This day ended.
This was the last time I ever saw her. There were a couple of conversations on the phone in the weeks that followed but I think she knew that I didn’t know how to handle this, just as she never really did. And that was that.
This then coloured the rest of my teenage life. Going no where near another woman until I was 18. When I was 18 I had got myself ‘my first girlfriend’ or at least that’s what she thought. We did the whole building up to sex thing again and she to this day thinks that she was my first.
Looking back over my early life I don’t know how I managed to deal with it on my own because I never told anyone. But more so I don’t ever know how that first girl ever dealt with it. As I sit and type this, I think back to her and hope that she now lives a life that she deserves. A good life with loving people.
I never went ice skating again.