I think I can see a light

I think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Usually however this turns out to be some bastard with a flash light.

The last month has been tough. With the passing of my Nan near the start of September it’s been pretty none stop. Any day off I’ve had I’ve spent at my family home or at my Nans bungalow sort through the stuff she has left behind. The last two weeks have been particularly strenuous, the funeral took place then the sad but necessary arrangements of empting her bungalow.

The funeral was a tough time. But not in the way you may have expected. I came away from it wondering if my emotions were broken. Not to say that I was sad, neither was I happy to be celebrating the life of an amazing woman. I was content. Along with this came the first time I had actually fulfilled my job as a ‘big brother’. I’m now 33, my brothers are currently 28 and 24. The youngest of us is quite emotional. I remember our Grandfathers funeral, the youngest was sandwiched by his two older brothers. We had hold of him and he knew he could be strong with us at his sides. This funeral was no different. However this time both brothers broke. I had to stretch my arms across both of them and give them both a shot of strength and reassurance. After the funeral we for the first time as brothers went for a drink. In all the years we have been of legal drinking age we have never done this before. But this was our private moment away from the rest of the family to raise our glasses in tribute.

The next big stress looming over me for the last few weeks was getting a van to clear the bungalow. Something which should have been done a few days ago, I was however let down. Never ask friends for an important favour. This has been stressing the hell out of me for the last couple of days as we need to hand the bungalow back this following week. However we managed to hire a great van driver for today and everything is now split between my house and my parents. Granted I can no longer move in my house but fingers crossed everything will find it’s place over the course of the next few weeks.

I go to bed tonight with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I even made the switch to decaf coffee tonight. That is a big thing for me since I started drinking coffee two years ago. Addict!

Fingers crossed tomorrow, which entails getting up early for decorators working on my house and then a fimagesull day and night working in a pub (engaging with customers… Ugh), fingers crossed it will be a good day. Hopefully I will find that nobody has closed the end of the tunnel and replaced the light at the end with a single disappointing light bulb.

Tonight however I am contented. And that is a great feeling right now. 

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9 thoughts on “I think I can see a light

  1. It’s the little things that make life easier to take. You accomplished something. I just finished clearing out 36 years of accumulated, unnecessary stuff at the auction yesterday. You could now knock me over with a feather – but strangely, I am content too. Good feeling, huh?

  2. My condolences on your loss. I know how painful it is to sort through a loved ones belongings and to feel the disappointment of being let down by someone who says they will help you and then doesn’t. It is all so overwhelming, but there is contentment when things are done and the light you see is in fact the end of the tunnel nearing.

  3. I think you are on your journey to self discovery-that is why you feel content.
    Wishing you the best on your path and hope the light shows up every time to show you the way.

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