23 ‘things’

download‘Things’, things, things, things. The more you say that word the stranger it gets. I’ve seen a lot of posts which are basically lists. At first I thought this should be easy but then realised when it came to typing them out that actually it wasn’t. Why 23? Well 23 seems to be the magic number when it comes to lists nowadays. So here I go. 23 ‘things’ split into three categories. Things I don’t like, things I do like and things that I am quite indifferent to.

Things I like:

  1. All day doing very little. I have for a year now managed to only work four days a week. That gives me three days a week to do whatever I like. And what I like is doing nothing. Days spent in bed or on the sofa watching bad films or spent binge watching television programmes.
  2. Cooking. I don’t get chance very often to cook but when I do my goodness I should be the head of a Michelin starred restaurant. It was only 3 weeks ago I found myself spending an afternoon blanching spinach.  It was for something I was cooking later in the day, I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to blanch spinach.
  3. Smoking. If only I lived in the 1920’s. Smoking is no longer a fashionable pass-time, it has become something which is shunned and disliked. However I still enjoy it very much. Yes I know it’s bad for me, yes I know other people don’t like it and no I don’t care.
  4. Doctor Who. If you haven’t already heard Doctor Who is the best television show in the history of the world. It was going for 20 years before I was born and luckily for me my parents had me in their early 20’s so I grew up while my father was still going through his nerdy phase. From the age of 3/4 I would sit and watch Doctor Who with him, making me lucky enough for the 3rd incarnation of the doctor to be ‘my first Doctor’.
  5. People. People are just amazing. Other people can make or break you. Sometimes one person is the difference between a real shitty life and a real fantastic one. When you find a good person, give them a chance, keep hold of them and reflect their awesomeness back through your actions.

Things I Don’t Like 

  1. People. Oh God people are awful. I’m surrounded on a daily basis by f**king idiots. Seriously I sometimes sit and wonder how or even if we have evolved that much.
  2. Warning Labels. I have no problem with a warning label on an otherwise nondescript barrel of nuclear acid. That’s how you know it contains nuclear acid. I’m talking about the label on the Nutty Nut Fruit and Nut bar that warns ‘THIS BAR MAY CONTAIN NUTS’. Who is that for really?
  3. Teaspoons. Was there a war at some point where coffee and yoghurt spoons suffered a defeat because of the mighty forces of Tea. I find them arrogant and I don’t like them.
  4. Muso’s. Look I like music, I’m a DJ but there are certain people in the world who’s musical taste is so limited it’s untrue. They like one genre/band/artist/time period of music and to them nothing else exists. And let it be known they will judge you for enjoying ‘Call me maybe’.
  5. Pointless middle class protests. OK this has been pushed up my list recently because of the events in Gaza. The basic idea behind the protest is to lay down on the floor. In the most inconvenient of places. This I assume is to represent the bodies of those who have been killed in the current conflict. I have a problem with this form of protest. It helps nobody and it highlights nothing. Trust me the news is covering this, you do not need to lay down in the biscuit aisle of the local supermarket. I also notice that I’ve not seen one of these protests in the street since the weather turned into the typical British summer.
  6. “Smile”… “f**k off”. You telling me to smile is you judging me on the way I look. I am perfectly happy, it is not my fault that my face doesn’t show it. Try this- Go up to a smiling person and tell them to cry. See how well they can fake an emotion.
  7. Customer Service. The thing is, yes we all like good customer service. We all like to be greeted and thanked. But, it has got to the point now where I know you’re faking it. The cashier at the bank that asks “How are you today?” “Got any plans for later?” “Did you have a good day yesterday?” My question back, “are you asking me out?” Mind your own business.
  8. Leave me alone. I like my own company, I like my friends but I like to have some separation. Some days you don’t need to speak to people. So why oh why are you so contactable on those days?
  9. Facebook. Or more so, stop living your Facebook life through pictures and videos of your children. And those people uploading ‘proud mommy’ videos of your child having a bucket of ice water thrown over them, I’d like to take you back in time 2 months and see your reaction to what used to be called child abuse.
  10.  Human Rights. The key there is in the phrase Human Rights. Rights for humans. Not a specific group of humans. I find that the more you fight for the rights of one particular group the more rights you take away from everyone else. Seriously only when aliens invade or the monkeys do rise up will ‘humans’ get over themselves.

That leaves me with 8 more ‘things’ on my list to be indifferent about.

  •  1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7
  • Please fill these in yourself because I find that I can be extremely indifferent about almost anything. Honestly sometimes I shock myself with just how little I care.
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“I don’t care”
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13 thoughts on “23 ‘things’

  1. I’m good for 1,2, and 3 on the first list. Yes I smoke yes I am going to smoke and yes if you don’t like it fuck off. Period. Now on the other list very good with no. 1, people are so flipping odd. 5,7, and 10 are right on. I am a customer service rep when I was unfortunate enough to work. I had to say these phrases all day long some idiot at the company would come up with. Like, other than the fact that you dropped your iPhone in the toilet while taking a leak, how have your enjoyed your service with us???????
    and these phony protest lord god almighty – I protested in the 60s when mom and dad were paying the bill . I could not be bothered now. Good one Mr. Polly – keep it up.

  2. Oh I agree with all of them. Although I have never watched Dr. Who, I’m guessing it wouldn’t replace Downton Abbey for my number one favorite show, unless they dress in beaded silk and gloves every night for dinner, unless the dressing gong is sounded so the aristocrats can get to their rooms to meet their maids and valets who dress them. I don’t like people. I really don’t like people. I super don’t like people. I don’t want to talk all day. I don’t want to listen to their idiotic problems. I don’t want to solve their idiotic problems. Oh yes, I would add children to the list of things I can’t stand ……. never could and never will.

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